thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
