im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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