I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
