i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
