Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
