are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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