Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
