I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You brought string cheese to the strip club
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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