stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
