She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
