my vag is so smooth its legendary
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
