just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
