I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
