i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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