Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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