whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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