dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
