i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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