I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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