The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
