I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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