okay pat passed out under dana's car
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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