He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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