they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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