im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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