I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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