My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
