you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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