Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
