Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
