Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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