Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
