I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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