I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
