there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
