tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
