whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
