I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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