I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
