I think my vagina is haunted
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this will be a night to untag.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
