She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Farmville is her only friend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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