a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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