I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
