She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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