i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
