He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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