Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
