did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
