someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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