She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
