someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
