He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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