Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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