Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
