On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
