Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
