im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
