Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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