At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is my gift to your gina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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