it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
