Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I just put wine in my tea
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
