Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I love you.
Bad choice
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