so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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