just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
