I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
