My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
