someone owes me an orgasm
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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