Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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