Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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