It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
