You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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