there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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