so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Found the puke drawer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
