I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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