At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
