Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
