Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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