Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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