Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
