It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
